Facing the Fear of Failure & Getting Unstuck

Ever grappled with a project so immense it felt like you were trying to move mountains? Let's dive headfirst into the science and psychology behind procrastination, revealing insights into why we often find ourselves stuck in a rut. I'll guide you through targeted questions to get you unstuck and share a personal anecdote about how this approach helped my son navigate a challenging situation. 

Stay tuned, as I unravel the art of focusing on the 'next right step', making seemingly insurmountable tasks manageable. I share this secret weapon we use at Restart Collective, our technique of breaking down mammoth projects into bite-sized pieces. Together, we'll confront the fears holding you back, catalyze action, and introduce a unique planner-journal hybrid designed to organize your tasks and stimulate self-growth reflections. Let's embark on this journey of transformation, where every small step morphs into a giant leap towards your goals.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 2:07

Are you a woman who runs the world but know you need a little support to Listen up? Through coaching clients and pursuing my own health and ambitions, I've found getting to a goal takes more than just willpower. It takes a mindset restart and learning how to adjust and not quit. In this podcast, you'll hear from women out there leading the way in momentum and I'll be sharing impactful mindset strategies to help you get out of your own way. Whether you're on a health journey, starting your life after a big change or trying to keep up momentum towards your passion project, with all the ups and downs, this is for you. It's time to decrease the things that hold you back and increase the things that move you forward towards a life that you want. I'm Amber Bebelheimer and this is the Momentum Restart Podcast.

Speaker 1: 2:59

On today's episode of Momentum Restart Podcast, we're going to talk about those tasks or projects that you have on your to-do list that seem to never get done, or the ones that the big one that you keep moving from to-do list to to-do list, to to-do list and it just never seems to happen. Either you can't start it or, if you do start, you can't finish it. We're going to dig into why and help you get unstuck. Today I'm also going to give you a few questions to ask yourself to be able to work through any time that this pops up. What I've found is when a client or myself I've experienced this too when we run into a project that we're really excited about Whether that's starting a podcast, writing a book, starting a new course, developing a new product for your business, doing in-person networking something that kind of pushes you out of your comfort zone and it's the thing that you know in your heart. This is something I really need to do and I want to do, but it also feels super scary. So we put it on the to-do list. That's something I'm going to do this quarter, something I'm going to do this year. Maybe you put it in your goals. The end of the year is coming up soon and we all know that we're going to be setting some goals for 2024. And when we do that, there's most likely going to be something on there and encourage you and hope that there is something on there that really pushes you. I always say, if it's something that scares you and excites you at the same time that something I heard from my coach years ago that is the thing that you're supposed to do, then you know you're on the right track. But what could happen is we put that big, scary thing on the list and then it doesn't get done, or we don't get started and we can feel kind of bad about it and then we start getting stuck in that. So I really want to make sure we are decreasing the things that hold you back, like that fear, failure or doubt or even frustration at yourself for not finishing it. We're going to get rid of that today and increase the things that move you forward so that you can finish that project this year, in 2023, and go into 2024 with a clean slate, knowing you did it, you pushed yourself, you at least started it and you have a plan of action and how to finish it in 2024.

Speaker 1: 5:24

There's a few ways to know if this is happening to you and something that I see all the time. I can relate. Any of us humans have done this. I'm sure, from time to time, we have this big thing on our list that we know we need to do, but we find ourselves being busy, too busy to get it done. We productively procrastinate. We do other things that are also very important, whether it's things at home or getting a workout, in spending time with friends or family, or maybe it's work tasks that you really enjoy and you kind of just feel easy and you gravitate towards those. You're doing things or you just start find yourself saying yes to everybody or yes to all the things and in the back of your head you're thinking because then I won't have to do this, then I won't have to do that big, scary thing. So we're productively procrastinating. If you find yourself doing that, then you're going to want to listen to these questions today to get unstuck.

Speaker 1: 6:21

A story that I want to share. It has to do with last year. My son was in school and he was having a hard year. I'm not going to go into all the details of what was happening, but he was having a hard year and it was his first time where he was really just feeling frustrated and really emotional about what was happening at school for him. So in order to get through this hard thing and if you're a mom, grandma, aunt, you know it's so hard when you see them going through something like this because you just want to take that pain away and you want it to be easy for them, but also. You know they need to go through this and this is such a growing opportunity.

Speaker 1: 7:07

So while he was going through this, I knew that he needed a plan. We knew Mike and I knew that he needed a plan on how to handle himself in these situations that were really hard for him. He needed a plan. What he didn't need was me telling him exactly what the plan was going to be. What he needed is we asked the right questions. We asked him questions to help him become aware of what he needed, become aware of how he could speak up for himself, how he could set boundaries for himself and notice how he felt and why that was important to recognize and also help him. Ask him the right questions to help him work through it and give him the strength and the confidence to move forward. And when he used those two things that self-awareness, just really thinking through those questions of what is it that would help me, how do I, what do I really need here, why is this bothering me? And then paired that with a plan, paired that with things that were in his control that he could take action on to help him feel unstuck in those situations it was amazing the transformation and outcome and just the confidence that we saw in him be able to recognize that this is something that he can use in his life over and over again that self-awareness, pausing, really thinking through what you need and making a plan to take action so important. The problem when we have this big scary thing or maybe it's just a thing we're putting off that we know is so important in our business.

Speaker 1: 8:48

A few weeks ago, I had Becca Gonzalez from Mind Her Business on the podcast. If you haven't listened to the episode, I've heard so much great feedback from you, the listeners, about this episode. Everybody loved it. So if you haven't heard it yet, go back and listen. Even if you have heard it, go listen again for sure.

Speaker 1: 9:06

And she was talking about making sure that we're not avoiding our money If you're feeling overwhelmed by it, or maybe a lot of times I would say 99% of the time when I'm working with a client who is a visionary entrepreneur, you have so many ideas, you are so motivated, you're so excited, there's so much you're doing, but we don't know where our money is going. And this is so common, and what Becca really helped us do is realize it's common. That's okay. Let's have some self-compassion about it. We're not going to be good at everything, right, but what we need to do is flip the script and rewrite our mindset so that we're able to look at this money and stop avoiding it and use it as data.

Speaker 1: 9:55

And whenever we are avoiding something, it doesn't go away. It actually gets bigger. When we avoid it, it gets bigger. It starts just weighing on you. You can feel it on you and you think about it in the back of your head and you might dream about it. You might wake up thinking about it. It's just kind of gnawing at you. It never goes away. So there's two different parts here. Right, you can ignore it and avoid it and just let it get bigger and bother you even more, keeping you really distracted when you're doing any other tasks on your list, or you can face it. So let's talk about facing it today.

Speaker 1: 10:37

Here are a couple of questions that you can ask yourself, just like when we sat down and asked my son a few questions for him to be noticing what he needs and what the situation was. Let's face it today. So, if you're feeling any sort of doubt or fear of failure or fear of what even happens next, what do I? How do I even start any of those doubts popping up? Here are some really great questions to ask yourself, and the first one is I love this question If there was nothing standing in your way and you were 100% sure that it would work out, what would you do that's powerful right If you knew that there was nothing that could stand in your way, nothing that's going to go wrong, it's going to go 100% right, just how you want it, what would you do?

Speaker 1: 11:37

What would you do in this situation? Would you start the podcast? Would you write the book? Would you create the course? Would you switch jobs? Would you go all in on your business? Would you invest in your business? What is it that you would do? That's such a powerful question to journal through and there's so much power in putting pen to paper. It's been proven research has proven that journaling just taking a pen and writing it out helps improve your creativity. It frees up space in your mind, it gives you clarity and it gives you the power to self-coach yourself. When you're seeing these things on paper, you're going to learn how to self-coach yourself, just like I talked with my son and asked him those questions and he was able to work through it and then he was able to self-coach himself when he needed to and I couldn't be there. You can do that for yourself when you're taking pen to paper. And I have a few more questions to ask you. But I want to encourage you. Sometimes I hear, oh, I just can't journal, or I don't like journaling, or it's not something that I do. Journaling doesn't necessarily have to be hours spent, or even an hour spent journaling and writing all of your thoughts, and even though that sounds beautiful to me and I would love to do that but for those that don't enjoy that, that's not what it has to be. It's just literally taking pen to paper and writing down the answer to some of these questions. One question even, because what it's going to do is going to help release some of the blocks in your head. It's going to help you see and get clear on what it is that you really need and what's standing in your way. You can't move forward until you know what's standing in your way. Then you're able to face it. So that first question and I want to encourage you, even if you're not a journaler, write it down and if you want to just put it in the notes in your phone. That's another way to journal. It's just getting it out so you can see it. The second question, based off of okay, if there's nothing standing in your way and you're 100% sure it's going to work out, what would you do, right, what is the thing that you would do? The next question is what's the first step? What's the first step that you're going to take?

Speaker 1: 13:56

My husband, mr B if you follow me on Instagram, you saw this over the whole last year, because it's all our life was for about a year was training for his first Iron man, the full I don't remember how many miles, it is 140, I think Swim bike run total of 140 miles. Ridiculous and amazing all the same time, scary and exciting all the same time, and I remember talking with him. He was really processing and he's a vocal processor, someone. He's processing something he likes to talk about it. So over the few weeks after, even now, a month later, he's, every once in a while, will kind of talk about what it was like to be, not only at that starting line, that morning of the Iron man and knowing you had 140 miles to go in the heat, but also a year ago when he decided I'm going to train for this and knew how much effort and discipline and working out and hours put in that it was going to be and what that was like for him.

Speaker 1: 15:01

And one thing that really stood out to me was how he said he only focused on the next right step. That was the only way he could get through it. He said he never thought about the whole race as a whole. He never thought about it as 140 miles. He was able to break it up and only think about today when he was training for it. He would think of today I'm going to set my alarm and I'm going to wake up at four, I'm going to get up and eat my oatmeal, I'm going to get on the bike, I'm going to ride my bike for five hours or whatever he was doing.

Speaker 1: 15:35

And he only focused on the next step. And he said, even the morning or the weekend of the Iron man when that was a moment where he was really training his mindset and he did a ton of research on this, on his nutrition and mindset leading up to it he knew that if he started thinking about the 140 miles and the whole day and all that he had to do in that pressure that that would be a negative impact on his mindset, and he was very determined in keeping his mind in the right place. So what he did was think of the next right step. Literally, he said the night before he thought all I have to do is just turn off the light. All I have to do is close my eyes, he said. When he woke up, the first thing all you got to do is wake up his brother who was going to take him there that morning. I have to wake up my brother. I have to eat the chicken breast and sweet potatoes that I set out for myself. I have to put my shoes on, just thinking of the next right step, and then, when the race started, I have to swim one lap, I have to swim another mile, and it's just one step at a time. And little by little by little, he finished the race in with such a strong mind, which, for him, that was a huge win for him to overcome that and be able to just focus on the next right step, as well as, of course, the physical strength that he was able to work on over the last year. But the part that stood out to me the most was how much you can do, what you are capable of when you stop focusing on all the things that could go wrong and the big thing and the thing as a whole.

Speaker 1: 17:21

This last year Jennifer Seiss, who was on the podcast a few weeks ago we talked about getting away to get it done Her and I have been connecting this last year, collaborating partnership in the restart collective. We have been meeting clients all over the country, helping them get their projects developed and their business developed, their next level of their business or starting their business or a new project in their business. We have been able to map out so many incredible resources and businesses and tools that are going to be able to help you and make this huge impact through all of these clients. We are so excited for our clients and all that they are doing this year. The cool thing was is when they were able to come to our intensives or retreats, it felt overwhelming to say this is my idea, this is what I want to do. We were able to say, okay, here is the map on how to do it, how we can figure this out. Here is the first step. Let's take it right now Together. They would take that first step right there, that client, whether it was contacting someone or writing something or brainstorming. We take that first step and you could see you could visibly see the weight and relief, the weight come off of their shoulders and the relief they felt and the lightness they felt because they were leaning into doing that scary and exciting thing. They weren't focused on the whole thing and how much work is going to be there, focused on the next right step. That makes such a difference.

Speaker 1: 18:59

The third question you ask after you determine what the next right step is. This is an important one. What are you afraid of? What are you afraid of happening? The reason you are going to ask this is not because we are going to sit in the negativity, but because it is what is keeping you stuck. Like I said earlier, if we avoid something, it gets bigger and never goes away. It keeps us stuck in the mud. If we face it and we deal with it, or even if we face it and we see it and we know it's there anyways and we keep going forward, that makes such a difference. So, writing out the things that you are afraid of, writing out that worst case scenario, and you'll quickly realize that worst case scenario is most likely not going to happen. It's most likely from here today until the worst case scenario.

Speaker 1: 19:59

There's a million different things that would have to happen in order for that to actually come true and most likely you would pivot or adjust before that happened Ultimately. Sometimes we see the worst case scenario and you compare it to what if I didn't do it? What if you didn't do the thing that you were meant to do? What if you didn't create the book or the podcast or the tool or the course, or you didn't call that person, or you didn't go to that event and it was what you were meant to do and you were going to make such an impact on someone? What if you didn't? Then you weigh that out worst case scenario versus what if you didn't and I'm pretty sure the regret of what if you didn't would be bigger than the worst case scenario. So that really helps lessen and minimize those fears instead of letting them grow because we're avoiding them. The last question you can ask yourself to get unstuck. I love this question too what pull do you need to take to make that first step happen? What pull do you need to take to make it happen?

Speaker 1: 21:14

When I was preparing for this podcast episode. I wanted to refer back to an episode when I talked about what a pull is, because it is a pillar of the momentum restart, one of the four things we go through in the accelerator. We talk about revving up your goals. We talk about learning to adjust and not quit. Then a huge one is talking about pulls. Before we talk about creating success plans, a pull is something that you can put in your life, something that's going to be repeatable and easy, that really pulls you forward and helps you want to do the hard thing. It's a really fun way to almost bribe yourself into doing those hard, scary things and moves you forward. It's a really fun way to create momentum.

Speaker 1: 22:02

As I was looking back to see if there was an episode to point you towards, I realized I haven't even recorded an episode about pulls. I will be doing that in next week's podcast so you can learn all about pulls. It's going to be really powerful because you're going to use it in your everyday life, ultimately, thinking what is a pull? What's something I can do to help me take that first step? It's a lot of what working with the coaches, going through the momentum restart accelerator or even just doing a momentum call, working with a coach, or maybe it's pairing up with a business bestie or having that accountability, or maybe it's working setting aside getting away to get it done. Like Jennifer and I were talking about a few weeks ago, we gave you the tools on the episode and the ideas, step by step, of how to plan a day for yourself, whether with us away or on your own update, for yourself, to get this done, because the world needs what you have to offer. So how can you prioritize it and set yourself up with resources, support, tools, people to help pull you forward, to take that first step and to keep going and make it happen?

Speaker 1: 23:15

The big, important things that you are made for need more than a plan. So what you've noticed when you've been writing these things down has you write them down? If you're gonna do it later, it's gonna bring you so much self-awareness, it's going to minimize that fear, it's gonna give you tools to move past it and now you're gonna know the why and the when and the where and the what. You need self-growth to manage those moments, because they're gonna come, those moments of doubt. You can have a great idea and even a really great plan, which you know I love a great plan, but you're gonna need those self-growth tools to manage those moments when doubt comes. And also your plan needs to feel doable, it needs to feel bite-sized, you need to focus on the next right thing in order to make it happen. This is why I created the 90-day 90 days of momentum, the new two-in-one planner in journal.

Speaker 1: 24:22

I am so excited, and I think it's really ironic, that this is the episode where I'm announcing the two-in-one planner and journal to you, because this was my thing. This was the thing that kept going from to do list to do list. This has been a year and a half on my list and I ripped the band-aid off because I've been asked so many times to put these two together. Because this is exactly what we do in momentum restart accelerator. We pair planning and strategizing with that self-awareness and self-growth so that you have the two. You have so much more momentum in a way that feels good in your body, it feels good in your life, feels good in your schedule when you pair the two together. So I'm so excited to introduce and announce to you that the journal and planner. It's a two-in-one.

Speaker 1: 25:18

Every day you're gonna have a journal prompt, like one of those we had today. That's gonna lead you towards momentum, help you decrease those things that are holding you back and increase the things that are moving you forward towards the life that you want. You're gonna have a journal prompt every day and a daily planner every day. They're paired together because that is how you find momentum. You have weekly project planning tools and vision casting to get really clear on where you want to go. It's all my favorite things from the momentum restart accelerator and it is in a hard coffee spiral bound, beautiful 90-day planner for you to be able to sit with a cup of coffee and be able to work through these things and plan out your next 90 days, to feel so doable and knowing that each day when you show up to make your plan and make your plan happen, that you're gonna have those mindset tools right there in the planner to help you follow through. This is gonna keep you in growth mode and in a state of openness and gratitude and creativity and I am so excited for you.

Speaker 1: 26:27

Get your hands on it. You can head to coach amber, be calm, click on planner and journal the two-in-one planner and journal and learn all about it. This comes out November 27. You can pre-order now to make sure that you get your copy. I can't wait for you to see it. I'll be back next week talking about polls so you can keep moving forward, decreasing the things that hold us back, increasing the things that move you forward to that life that you want. Thank you for listening to this episode of momentum restart podcast. I would love to hear what you think about it. What were your takeaways? What action steps do you now want to take? Dm me on Instagram at coach amber be, and let's keep this conversation going. I promise I respond to every message I get. Talk with you soon.